There's no doubt that motherhood is a roller-coaster ride of feelings, filled with intense love and joy, guilt, growth and everything else in between. But amongst some of its hardest challenges are the emotions around our sense of self and the reconfiguring of both our inner and outer identity. While this is often a seismic shift fraught with conflicting emotions, it’s not necessarily something that most people talk about. Until now.
Step forward comedian Katherine Ryan, who last week revealed to her 1.1 million Instagram followers that she'd chosen to have a facelift at the age of 42.
Ryan, who is known for her refreshingly frank persona, is a mother to four children and has also spoken candidly about multiple miscarriages in the past. After admitting she didn’t recognise herself after facial fluctuations during her pregnancies, she opted for a facelift with Dr Nick Rhodes at the Coppergate Clinic in York in December 2025.
Although a facelift is a clearly a drastic option, most women who’ve had children can relate to feeling horrified by the dark circles and sallow skin staring back at them in the mirror, particularly in the early stages of parenthood. “The biggest concern I hear is that they look constantly tired, even when they’re coping well or actually feeling quite positive,” says Dr Sophie Shotter MBChB, aesthetic doctor on behalf of Allergan Aesthetics.
“Loss of sleep, hormonal fluctuations, stress and simply having less time for self-care can affect skin quality, elasticity and facial volume. Many women notice duller skin, more prominent lines around the eyes, heaviness in the lower face, or a general loss of brightness.”
While it’s clear that physical changes had prompted Ryan to consider the treatment, she was honest about the impact of these on her mental health. “I needed to do something to reclaim my identity,” she revealed in her video. “It’s important to me that I recognise myself in the mirror as the woman that I feel like. I’m not crazy, I’m not trying to wind it back to 2006, I’m just trying to look the way I did pre-Covid.”
© Laura Rose/Dave Benett/Getty ImaIt’s a sentiment that Shotter agrees with. “It’s rarely about wanting to look younger in a dramatic way, it’s much more about wanting to feel like themselves again and reconnect with their sense of identity after a period where their own needs understandably take a back seat.”
Losing our identity
Clearly, Ryan isn’t alone in feeling lost post-children; a survey by the parenting app Peanut revealed that 62% of women felt they'd lost part of their identity since becoming a mother. And given that our faces are the first thing we, and others see, it’s natural that it’s often the focal point.
“There is a seismic shift in the landscape of life after having kids, so it is only natural that there is an inner reorientation in response to these changing outer variables,” agrees Suzy Reading, chartered psychologist and author of How to Be Selfish. “Our appearance is like our personal calling card, signalling who we are, our values and our lifestyle. Changes in our face and physical appearance can have a significant impact on our sense of identity and how we feel about ourselves.”
If you’re tempted by the myriad cosmetic options out there, you’re not the only one. While a ‘mummy makeover’ (a series of treatments usually comprising a tummy tuck, breast augmentation and liposuction) is still a popular procedure, interest in facelifts like Ryan’s is on the rise, with The British Association of Aesthetic Plastic Surgeons reporting an 8% increase in facelifts in 2024 in the UK. Shotter puts that down to a normalisation of cosmetic surgery as well as the inevitable impact of social media.
“People talk about treatments openly now, and there’s less stigma attached to wanting look your best,” she adds. “Secondly, awareness has grown, people understand that modern facelift techniques can be very natural when done well. This has been well documented on social media, and makes the facelift seem more accessible, although I’m not sure viewers usually take away how involved the recovery can be.”
Be realistic about recovery – and expectations
And she’s right; looking at Ryan’s taut, glowing complexion today, you might be forgiven for underestimating the recuperation involved. “Allow proper recovery time,” says plastic surgeon Dr Paul Banwell. “Most patients need around two weeks away from social commitments. Swelling and bruising are normal, and subtle swelling can persist for several weeks. Planning recovery properly avoids unnecessary stress.” It also pays to set your expectations.
If skin quality is your main concern, a facelift is unlikely to be the answer. “A facelift improves sagging in the lower face and neck. It does not address skin quality, pigmentation or fine lines,” adds Banwell. Instead, Shotter advises non-invasive collagen-stimulating injectables such as HarmonyCa or energy-based devices to restore glow and firmness. “Subtle filler treatments, such as Juvéderm, can replace lost volume, soften shadows and refresh tired areas without changing facial character,” she says.
Whether or not a facelift is the right procedure for you, one thing the experts (and doubtless Ryan too) agree on is the motivation behind any cosmetic decision. “I encourage women to take time to think about their motivations,” explains Shotter.
“Ideally treatments should come from a positive desire to feel confident, and not from pressure, comparison or unrealistic expectations. When aesthetic treatments are approached thoughtfully and conservatively, they can be a really supportive part of self-care, helping women feel like themselves again rather than trying to achieve perfection.”
