This morning, I sat in bed and browsed some of the Oscars content. It looked like a triumphant night for midlife women.
Kate Hudson, 46, nominated for best actress. As was Rose Byrne, also 46. Nicole Kidman, 58, presented an award with Ewan McGregor, 54, and she looked luminous and incredible, as if she’d been jettisoned back to the days of the hit film Moulin Rouge (25 years ago now). Anne Hathaway, 43, stunned in a Valentino gown.
© Getty ImagesThese women are all ‘women of a certain age’ and yet… well, as a midlife woman myself (I’m 52), I felt mixed emotions. I love that there are more narratives being created that put midlife women front and centre. In particular I REALLY enjoyed Rose Byrne in If I Had Legs I’d Kick You.
© Getty ImagesIt’s just that, can we also acknowledge that these women are ageing backwards? That they represent a midlife aesthetic that none of us can possibly achieve ourselves? (And obviously the fact that some of these women are shrinking physically makes them less relatable too). I found myself continually pausing content to marvel at the work of the aesthetic surgeons who had seemingly given these women these remarkably, ageless faces. Not in a judgemental way, more in a curious, 'what the heck would that kinda thing cost?', kinda way.
Hollywood is a hard place to navigate as an older women. So it’s no surprise that women will try and look younger in order to stay relevant. A study by the Center for the Study of Women in Television and Film, at San Diego State University, found that men experience only a 3% drop in representation for characters over 40, compared to 13% for women.
© Los Angeles Times via Getty Imag'Collective frenzy'
We have to applaud the fact that older women are being cast in movies, and that they’re winning awards. It’s just these women are having to spend inordinate amounts of time and money on looking like younger women. And this has a ripple effect on how we define midlife attractiveness. Increasingly it seems that the benchmark is becoming ever higher. Perhaps we all get caught up in a bit of a collective frenzy without even realising it.
The reason I wanted to write about this topic is that I’ve felt conflicted when it comes to my own face. I don’t have access (or the necessary cash) to the procedures these top Hollywood actresses are having, but I get Botox every 6 months. I’ve also had filler in the past. So I am definitely on the tweakment bandwagon, and know that once you get on - well it’s hard to get off.
© Tom PilstonI also don’t believe in shaming women about what they choose to do with their own faces — and it seems as if it would be difficult to go against the grain and not get procedures in Hollywood. The couple of women that have done it are painted as rebels and outliers - definitely not the norm. It sometimes feel now when you watch a movie that you really notice a woman who hasn’t done anything because it feels so unusual.
'Wealthy ageing'
The other thing I feel weird about is that these things are eye-wateringly expensive — so what we’re seeing now is ‘wealthy ageing’, a set of women who have access to things that the majority of us don’t. Would I do the same? Yes, probably. I can imagine it’s hard seeing photos of yourself on the red carpet and comparing yourself to other actresses, as well as seeing yourself on film all the time. I’m sure I wouldn't be going down the ‘100% natural’ route — and then having to justify why I was doing this in countless interviews.
I was talking to an aesthetics nurse recently and she told me that no amount of Botox will give you the results that you see on the red carpet. That it’s a look that only people with serious money and the right network can achieve (her message being: don’t beat yourself up if you don’t look like Nicole Kidman!).
There are often headlines around how strange some celebrity women look too - the message being that you need to look youthful, but not too youthful, and definitely not strange, and yes, try lots of innovative treatments, but don’t be surprised if you have a lot of commentary about what you’ve had done and whether it’s been a success or not.
© GettyIt must feel impossible - treading that line all the time. I’m not immune to these gossipy conversations either. Much of the chat going on today (on WhatsApp with female friends) has been about ‘Did you see x? What did you think of her face?’. It kind of overshadowed the performances and the awards! It feels like we have all got a bit obsessed with one aspect of celebrity culture — the way Hollywood women (but also men - Jim Carrey was up for discussion recently) choose to age.
'Never-ending cycle'
Perhaps if celebrities were more transparent about what they’d had done, there’d be less gossip? Less conjecture? Perhaps if everyone talked about the work, effort and money it took we’d all feel better. In a newspaper interview actress Jamie Lee Curtis (who is famously anti-surgery/tweakments) said, “All I know is that it is a never-ending cycle. That, I know. Once you start, you can’t stop. But it’s not my job to give my opinion; it’s none of my business.”
And I think that sums it up. It is none of my business what a woman does to her face. But that doesn’t mean that I’ll stop talking about it. Or wondering what it means to everyday women who aren’t in the movies. And perhaps also Googling to see how much some of these things might cost. It’s complicated right?
HELLO!'s Second Act is a newsletter for women in midlife and beyond. It's completely free to sign up and is a one-stop-shop for advice and inspiration on the issues our Second Act community have told us matter most: health, relationships, travel, menopause, divorce, careers, finance and more.
