Some people might not like to hear this, but many of the strongest marriages that last a lifetime are not the ones who romantically float off into the sunset together. They are the ones that deal in gritty real life and acceptance of each other’s flaws - something that HELLLO! columnist Glynis Barber admits has taken time to come to terms with during her own 30 year marriage.
The actress first met Michael Brandon on the set of Dempsey and Makepeace, and sparks have flown ever since - but not necessarily always in a romantic sense.
“We've always argued, always argued,” Glynis honestly reveals to Ateh Jewel in this week’s Second Act podcast. “It's good. I would say there are two things in our favour. One is that neither of us are quitters.
“Marriage and living with someone is tough. Someone in your space all the time is very irritating. So we do irritate each other, but neither of us are the kind of people who will walk out of a situation. So we stick at things and I think that's probably the most important thing.
And I think the other thing is humour. We do have a similar sense of humor. Michael is very funny and I amuse him. I could not live with someone who didn't have a sense of humour.”
Love seasons
At 70, Glynis can reflect on the different seasons her marriage has been through from the first flushes of love, parenthood and out the other side to empty nesting. “At the beginning he was a bit older than me and playing games and he was cool. I think I'm quite open if I love you, I love you. I'm not going to play any games. Then it switched and now he is more like a golden retriever.”
While she tackles the taboo that couples don't always have to get along, she has sage advice for anyone embarking on - or thinking of leaving - a relationship in midlife.
“You can't behave in a certain way just to please the other person. You have to be yourself," the mother of one says. "You have to set your own boundaries and don't betray yourself. It's tough. It's really hard.
“When you marry someone, and this is obviously true for us as well, I was in my 20s when we met, and now I'm a lot older and the thing is, we change as people. So there are obviously parts of me that are still the same, but I've changed so much and matured as a woman and learned so much about life.
“The way you handle things just evolves. And I think that's the thing in a marriage is you have to evolve together. And if one person evolves and the other one doesn't, or if you don't embrace the changes in each other, then it's not going to work. And that's OK. Because you know who says you should be with one person your whole life?”
For years there had been one issue in her relationship that had deeply frustrated her, so she took matters into her own hands and discovered a huge life lesson in the process which changed everything.
Birthday plans
“I usually end up planning my own birthday, this is not something Michael's going to be good at. When I was younger I would have been upset about that; ‘why aren't you doing a surprise. But why don't you do something magnificent?’ Because I've arranged some amazing birthdays for him. But age and acceptance I’ve realised I'm just a very organised person who can do that sort of thing, and he isn't.
“We can't expect people to function and do things as we do it. And the things that would make us happy perhaps don't pertain to them.
“And it doesn't mean that he doesn't love me or he doesn't care because he wants me to have a great birthday. But you realize, hey, it's just easy if I do it myself, It's acceptance. And trust me, that took a while to get there.”
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