No, women don’t lose their ambition at 40 - we just stop caring about what success looks like on paper

Celebrity red carpets, movie premieres, VIP areas, free holidays and bars – it’s fair to say my life has been one big party for over 20 years. 

As the former Showbiz Editor of The Sun, I've spent my career jetting all over the world, hobnobbing with the rich and famous. 

And every day there was champagne on tap. I drank so much Bollinger during the week that I chose to remain sober and stay in on the sofa on weekends when all my friends went out. 

© Amy Brookbanks

Typically, I’d party all week long, hop in a taxi at 3am, jump into bed for a couple of hours and be back at my desk for 8am, ready to do it all over again the next day. Sleep? My motto was ‘you can sleep when you’re dead.’ 

I mingled with all sorts of fabulous people all over the world and lived off free canapés. My job was my life – and I absolutely loved it.

Until I fell pregnant at 40. Reality hit and I realised that having no sleep because my hungry baby was screaming all night wasn’t quite the same as pulling an all-nighter at the Brit Awards. 

© Amy Brookbanks

I’d slip into the office in the morning after three cups of black coffee, exhausted, I’d lost my sparkle and I didn’t feel excited about anything anymore. After almost 10 years at Britain's most popular newspaper, I knew it was time to bid a sad farewell to my dream job.

That was a year ago now – and people still ask me why I gave it all up. I get it - why would anyone walk away from all of those glamorous celebrity parties and free stuff? 

© Amy Brookbanks

But when I left my job I was happy to go. I had achieved everything I had ever wanted to - and more. The moment I finally realised I didn’t want to do it anymore is frankly quite embarrassing to confess now, because I totally realise some people would give their right arm for this to be their life. 

A music icon, one of the biggest pop stars in the world, was performing in Germany and she had invited us to come with her on her private jet as VIP guests - but instead of jumping for joy at my desk, I just quietly thought, “please don’t ask me.” 

I had gone from being a party queen to a mum bore. Or so I thought.

© Amy Brookbanks

To be honest, I had also quietly accepted that since hitting my 40s and becoming a mum, perhaps maybe I had lost my ambition - after all, isn’t that what they say happens? 

I’d done the dream job, but now nothing tops being a mum - that is without a doubt the best job in the whole world and I count my blessings every single day. There’s absolutely no job left that’s going to fulfil me like it used to. 

But, I’ve realised that this is completely wrong, and the older I get the more I realise that ambition doesn’t disappear for women at all - it just becomes a lot more focused and selective. 

If a woman stops chasing the next title, leaves a senior role or changes pace, people want to know why or what happened – they’re convinced there must be a dramatic EastEnders style ‘duff duff’ moment. 

And there’s a tendency to interpret any shift in midlife as a sign that women are stepping back or they’re done. But I’ve come to realise that what changes isn’t ambition at all. 

© Amy Brookbanks

By the time you’ve spent years managing people at different places, navigating various workplace politics, constantly adapting, proving yourself relentlessly and repeatedly, and trying to balance work with the rest of life, you become much clearer about what’s actually worth your energy. 

You stop wanting success on paper. You don’t care about impressive job titles. You realise you don’t care about power. It's more about peace these days. You care more about who you spend your day with. Less about performance for promotions and more about the work you are doing and whether it aligns with your values. And crucially more about whether work fits into the life you want for yourself. 

© Amy Brookbanks

Being a mum has changed me and life will never be the same again – but I have embraced everything, I have evolved as a person and completely overhauled my life. Ultimately, prioritising my son and his - and my own – happiness and I am so proud of that.

I left London behind after 23 years and we moved back home to be closer to family. I also started a brand new career that enabled me to use my skills as an editor and love for writing whilst still being able to work with former colleagues too, at a PR agency. 

Now, 11 months later, I have just launched my own PR and media consultancy, Grace PR, and I couldn’t be happier. People tell me running a business is hard but it's lit a fire inside me and I'm excited about work every day.

© Amy Brookbanks

I named the company after my beloved Grandma Grace, who I adored and miss every day – she always made me feel treasured, safe and special and encouraged me to reach for the stars. She was my biggest cheerleader. I’m so happy that I've been able to honour her in this way. It's even more special because it feels like she is with me again every day, inspiring and encouraging me to be successful. 

It is such a privilege and joy to be my own boss in my forties - not only do I get to spend every day working alongside talented, passionate and creative people doing amazing things, I get to focus my time on people and brands I truly believe in who have stories I genuinely care about. 

© Amy Brookbanks

Meanwhile, I've got the best of both worlds now. I don’t suffer from any mum guilt because I choose to work from home, which means I’m always here for my son and we never have to miss out on any special moments together.

I’ve done all of this because against all the odds, I believe women CAN have it all, if you work hard enough, and try to create the life you want for yourself. We shouldn’t have to choose between our family or our career – it should be OK to be just as passionate about both at the same time, in different ways. 

I think that’s why so many experienced women eventually choose to build something of their own. Not because they’ve stopped being ambitious at all, but because they’ve started defining it all differently.