Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone are one of Hollywood's resident power couples, and after 20 years of marriage, they're still going strong. The duo, who met in 1998 after signing up for the same comedy class in Los Angeles, started as friends before realising they had a deeper connection. By 2005, Melissa and Ben had tied the knot, and in the years that followed, the pair welcomed two daughters: Vivian (born in 2007) and Georgette (born in 2010).
© Getty ImagesClearly more in love than ever, on their 20th wedding anniversary last October, Melissa penned a sweet tribute to her husband. "Twenty years ago today, I got hit with a lucky stick! I married the love of my life and card-carrying hypochondriac," joked the actress, who recently appeared on The Late Show with Stephen Colbert, on Instagram. Meanwhile, Ben, 52, returned the favour with an equally moving tribute. "20 years ago, this lovely lady agreed to marry me. I'm so grateful she said yes - these have been the happiest years of my life. I'm hopeful for 120 more years together. I love you, Mooch!" he captioned a throwback snap from their wedding day.
© Getty ImagesSo, after two decades, what's their secret to their long and happy marriage? Back in October 2024, Melissa and Ben shared a surprising tip on Watch What Happens Live With Andy Cohen, and it goes against the grain of traditional relationship advice.
Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone's unconventional rule about fighting
When it comes to their marriage, Melissa and Ben are more than happy to go to bed angry after an argument. Speaking with Andy Cohen on his hit talk show, the couple explained why this unconventional tactic works for them. "People say, 'Don't go to bed mad.' I say [expletive] it. Go to bed mad. It's fine," Ben said as Melissa nodded in agreement.
© Jeff Kravitz"If you go to bed mad, do you typically wake up mad?" Andy replied. "You forget what the hell you were fighting about in the first place. I guarantee it works. I promise," Ben noted. Chiming in, Melissa added that while they "almost never" find themselves in these situations, when they do, she makes sure to ask Ben if he'd like to talk. "And then it's like, you know, 'We're going to figure it out at 2:15 am after I've had three cocktails.' It's like, no," Ben explained.
For Melissa and Ben, going to bed angry has become a useful tactic, but is it helpful for everyone? HELLO! spoke with dating and relationship coach, Kate Mansfield, and transformational teacher, Lorin Krenn. Here's what the experts had to say…
Is going to bed angry a useful tactic in relationships?
"I love that Melissa and Ben are pushing back on this idea that every conflict needs to be resolved before midnight," says dating and relationship coach, Kate Mansfield. "The truth is, some of the worst arguments couples have happen because they're tired, triggered, and running on empty. Going to bed angry, when done right, isn't about sweeping things under the rug. If you know how to regulate yourself it might mean recognising that you're not in the right headspace for a productive conversation, and choosing to revisit it when you actually can.
"The key distinction is intention: are you sleeping on it so you can approach it better tomorrow, or are you using sleep to avoid the conversation altogether? The former is healthy. The latter is where problems quietly build. After 20 years together, Melissa and Ben clearly know the difference. Learning some detachment and self-regulating techniques can really help you to get to a place of peace and surrender, to get some sleep and not lie there seething all night!"
© Getty ImagesWeighing in, transformational teacher and author, Lorin Krenn, has also shared his thoughts on going to bed mad. "Many people repeat the rule, never go to bed angry. The rule sounds wise, yet relationships are not governed by slogans," he explained. "What matters is how a couple handles the moment when emotions are running high.
"If two people are circling the same argument, going round in escalating loops and losing hours of sleep, pushing on rarely creates clarity. Nothing meaningful is resolved at 1am when both nervous systems are inflamed. Sleeping while still activated and resentful is not healthy either. The body carries that charge into the night. The issue does not dissolve simply because the lights are off.
"The only mature way to pause a conflict is through conscious repair. That means saying, calmly and sincerely, 'Let's pause this for tonight. I love you. We will work through it tomorrow.' The reassurance is not sentimental. It is actually a form of emotional regulation. It communicates, 'I am not abandoning you. We are still on the same team.'
© Bravo"Arguments trigger one of the deepest human fears, rejection and abandonment," Lorin continued. "When connection feels threatened, the nervous system reacts as if something vital is at risk. A loving reassurance before sleep prevents the argument from turning into a rupture of safety. A couple can park a topic, but they cannot park the bond and emotional connection.
"Going to bed in cold silence, or firing off a resentful good night, erodes trust. Staying up for hours locked in combat erodes it just as quickly. The key principle is repair. Repair does not always mean solving the issue immediately. It begins with re-establishing the connection and making it clear that the relationship is larger than the disagreement."
