Yesterday, my 8 month old puppy Moby, a poodle/boxer cross, made one heck of a mess. Again. He dragged all his toys from his bed in the utility room, including a pigs’ ear from the local butcher, and a muddy stick. When I emerged from a meeting, everything was scattered around the kitchen like a playroom apocalypse, with Moby contentedly fast asleep in the middle of them. Did I huff, scream or stamp my foot? No, I smiled fondly and revelled in his bouncy delight at my arrival in the kitchen.
In getting what might be described as an empty nest pet, I join more than a quarter of parents who’ve waved farewell to one litter of expensive young things and welcomed another in the form of puppies, kittens or feathered friends. Is Moby my new baby? And why are we swapping one set of responsibilities for more?
Let’s look at the facts.
I’m loathe to suggest I feel forlorn now that my two kids, both in their twenties, are leading their best lives at university. But I have to admit, when my daughter came home last weekend, I went into hyper-mothering mode, offering to wash clothes, making healthy snacks and the like. As I dropped her at the train station on Sunday evening, I felt briefly bereft, but then remembered that there was still a sentient life form needing my constant attention. If you are feeling a bit down, there’s nothing like the loving playfulness of a puppy to perk you up.
My cheeky toddler
It interests me that I’ve spent years investigating the science of women’s hormones, and one thing that’s emerged time and again is that as our oxytocin, the love hormone, goes down during menopause, we are less inclined to dote on small, cute creatures. We are – reveal the studies - more ambitious, more driven and less empathetic.
The first is certainly true. Yet a one-women clinical study conducted in my own household, would bely the second point, as I adore Moby with the adoring and unconditional love I gave to my own two when tiny. Apparently stroking a dog can – like hugging a baby or a friend – increase oxytocin and also reduce stress. (I can’t say the same for children on the stress front!)
I certainly talk about my new dog as though he’s a cheeky toddler. I tell people stories about him, I show them pictures and I alternatively boast about his accomplishments and describe his naughtiness; ‘he ran down the driveway, escaped into the village and we spent an hour trying to coax him back’. I don’t miss disciplining children, and it’s a shame that I have to occasionally screech myself hoarse at a selectively deaf dog. I am not even repulsed by his slobbering and shedding.
Further data suggests that we may welcome routine as we lose the daily rhythm of school runs and clubs. Perhaps we seek structure for our now formless days? I’m not so sure. Some of this data seems to assume a level of retirement. The nature of my job means that I’ve never had a routine as such, more a permanent sense that there’s never enough time!
Unconditional love
But at the end of a long day at the coal face of broadcasting or campaigning, the unconditional love of a dog is very welcome. However stressed I’ve been, or unappreciated I may feel, Moby thinks I’m marvellous just for opening a tin of dog food or letting him out the back door.
And apparently, a new pet can (unlike a baby, sorry!) bring couples closer together. It’s a common bond, a reason to make plans, it’s suggested. I concur, as these days when we take a weekend walk together my husband and I seem to talk about little else than the scamp we’ve adopted. Just like we’d talk about our kids’ school scrapes back in the day. Quite a few theses on this subject talk about ‘filling the void’, and there’s definitely infinite space to fill with many responsibilities diminished. But I see that as a positive change.
I am not left with a void, but the small space in my heart that’s left over from my kids not being around is more than filled with a large and muddy dog.
