Like Madonna at 67, I refuse to age gracefully — I’m ageing aggressively instead

I’m watching Madonna perform with Sabrina Carpenter at the recent Coachella festival. The words that spring to mind are: mind blowing, bold, creative, inspiring and sexy. 

I’ve always watched her performances with a sense of awe. A life long Madonna fan, I remember lying on my bed, aged 13, singing hits from her ‘True Blue,’ album. When I was a bit more grown up, I watched the ‘Justify My Love,’ video on MTV about a zillion times (a classy, black and white film shot in a hotel full of impossibly gorgeous people which made me want to invest in new underwear right away).  

© Kevin Mazur/Getty Images for Coa

Many women of my generation have grown up with Madonna, and she’s remained relevant which is no mean feat. At each stage, she’s showcased a bolder, alternative narrative to being a woman. I have sometimes asked myself- ‘What would Madonna do?’ when I’ve felt in need of a confidence boost. She’s refused to ‘go gently’ into her 7th decade, and that’s why some people love to criticise her.  

© Tom Pilston

She’s never bought into the idea that you need to wear age-appropriate clothes either.  Performing ‘Vogue’ and ‘Like a Prayer’ in the same boots and corset she wore 20 years ago, the Coachella crowd went nuts, but the keyboard warriors tried to take her down, yet again. Too old. Too sexy. And lip-syncing! ”Why is a 67-year-old acting like a 17-year-old?" - these were just some of the mean comments. 

Blatant ageism

The blatant ageism isn’t anything new. In 2023 at the Grammys the internet went mad about her face. She was called, amongst many other things; “unrecognisable." Madonna fired back on Instagram, writing: "Once again I am caught in the glare of ageism and misogyny that permeates the world we live in; a world that refuses to celebrate women past the age of 45 and feels the need to punish her if she continues to be strong willed, hard-working and adventurous." 

The real question isn't whether Madonna has had work done, or whether her Coachella outfit was appropriate or not.  The real question is: why do we think it's our business to dictate how a woman chooses to age? I know that I’ve sometimes been outspoken about the pressure to have face lifts, and tweakments, BUT the thing is that if you’re in the public eye, like Madonna is, it’s a pressure that none of us normal people can fully understand. 

Ageing aggressively

Some might even label it as ageing aggressively - a style of ageing where you refuse to conform to certain rules. I think it’s a good thing. I’ve always thought that the ‘ageing gracefully’ ideal needs a shake up anyway. ‘Ageing gracefully’ is a term bestowed on women for arbitrary reasons. Female celebrities are seen to be gracefully doing it one minute, and not so gracefully the next (usually if they’re having tweakments, but also if they have younger partners - like Madonna - or if they say what they think).

Older male celebrities like Mick Jagger are rarely told to stop wearing leather trousers or dancing like maniacs or refrain from dating younger women (there is little discussion on whether they are ageing gracefully -  if anything they are encouraged to maintain their outspoken, edgy, rock and roll values).  

© WWD via Getty Images

Madonna has always done things her way. She’s a 67-year-old woman performing at one of the world's biggest music festivals, releasing a new album, passing the mic to the next generation of pop stars. It’s not sad, or a sign of denial - it’s defiance. 

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Veteran feminist activist and writer Gloria Steinem once said -“The truth will set you free, but first it will piss you off,” and this is something that perfectly articulates the double bind many older women find themselves in. Luckily Madonna can turn those feelings into great songs. She can also continue to inspire the 53 year old woman writing this feature — for me, ageing aggressively means refusing to slow down, it’s about being fully authentic, it’s about ignoring what others think.

Let’s have more of this from older women please. Let’s have more of us asking the question - ‘What would Madonna do?’ And let’s not listen to the keyboard warriors who will never be happy with anything women do publicly anyway.