On the surface Bryony Gordon had it all; a husband who loved her, a gorgeous daughter, dream career and a friendship with Prince Harry.
But behind the scenes the author of new book People Pleaser confesses she was a ‘mess’, navigating her longstanding issues with OCD and depression by drinking herself into oblivion. While she had always enjoyed drinking, she was surprised how the urge didn’t leave her after she had her child 13 years ago.
“I was a party girl and I was pregnant and thought you're just going to become a sophisticated human who will occasionally have a glass of red wine, like a switch.
“I ended up having an emergency C-section and all I could think about was drinking. I was like you've got this beautiful little girl, you've got this lovely husband, you've got a flat in Clapham, you've got a Bugaboo. What is wrong with you?
Her final rock bottom happened aged 37. “I thought my life was done,” she tells Ateh Jewel on this week’s episode of Best Quality Designer Handbag ’s Second Act podcast.
“I was out drinking and taking cocaine. I came home at ten in the morning and there was my four year old daughter, and my husband and I remember sitting on the edge of the bed thinking , if I don't get sober, I'm going to die.”
It was the uncompromising love of her husband, ‘best friend’ Harry Wilson that saved her when she ended up in rehab.
“Some people sober up and realise they are married to an arsehole. I sobered up and realised I was the arsehole. Friends even wonder how we are still together.
“The truth is, our marriage survives because he really loves me and thinks I'm an awesome human.
“He's shown me that. He's shown me that I should love myself through love.”
Having struggled with her own body image, Bryony despairs of the negative messaging around weight loss jabs.
She ran the London Marathon in her underwear in 2017 for Prince Harry’s charity Heads Together to bring awareness to how it actually helped her mental health, rather than keeping thin. And last month, she did it again, with recent Second Act podcast guest Adele Roberts.
“I didn't think I would still be running marathons in my underwear nearly ten years later. But you know, the need for it is more to remind people of what women's bodies look like.
“People don't see real bodies moving because we’re so used to looking at stuff that's filtered. “People have cellulite, we have lumps, we have bumps. So that's why I do it now.”
Now she says her life is filled with joy. “I had no idea of what was to come for me it's just amazing. I am inordinately proud of myself.”
Listen to the Second Act podcast, now on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Amazon Podcasts and Youtube.
