My life changed on my 39th birthday, when investigations following a cancer scare (not my first; I'd had malignant tumours before) revealed that I had been in full menopause for at least a year, possibly two. Not perimenopause. Full menopause. Zero oestrogen.
I had been on the pill since I was 16 and had never been told that you were supposed to come off it periodically to check what your body was actually doing underneath. So, when I finally stopped the contraceptive as part of the cancer investigations, the menopause that had apparently been quietly happening for years hit me all at once.
I experienced hourly, unbearable hot flashes, weight gain, exhaustion, headaches, and a general sense that my body had declared war on me.
Five days later, my mother died. Our relationship was complicated, which made the grief complicated. At the end of January, I lent a significant portion of my savings to someone close to me, leaving myself roughly three months of financial leeway, and then in February, I lost the job I had only just started.
I spent most of the rest of that year unemployed, and not for lack of trying. So, my 'three-month leeway' ran out before I knew what had hit me. It was so dire at one point that a close friend paid my rent for several months. Without that kindness, I was staring down the barrel of homelessness. I will forever be grateful to him for that life raft.
The bright spot, I suppose, was that just before the Great Life Implosion of 2018, I met a man whom I would marry six years later. Despite a somewhat rocky beginning thanks to upheaval in both our lives, we eventually became one another's greatest supporters. We still are.
So that was 39. Not just burnout. The kind of inferno that left me crumbled, breathless, and desperate to feel anything but… that.
Rebuilding my health
My menopause diagnosis sent me down a rabbit hole I suspect most women facing any kind of health crisis will recognise. Here's what helped me to rebuild my health, and what didn't.
Firstly, what didn't work
Before I found my way to HRT, which was unambiguously the best decision I have ever made, I spent meaningful time and money on things that did precisely nothing.
Wild yam cream. Apple cider vinegar. Juice cleanses. Anti-inflammatory diets that eliminated half my plate and improved nothing. Collagen powders that promised the world and didn’t deliver. Magnesium in quantities that would fell a horse. HIIT workouts that I loathed and that left my body running on fumes.
Some of this came from online ‘experts’ who had strong opinions and very little peer-reviewed evidence. Some of it came from desperation.
Excessive oestrogen
The HRT journey was its own education. I want to be clear that I have enormous respect for GPs, who are overworked and under-resourced. But I was legitimately told by mine to just "keep taking more" oestrogen until I "felt better". Until one evening, having increased my own dose to nearly 4mg a day, I remember sitting very calmly and visualising dragging a razor blade across my wrist.
Thankfully, I am self-aware enough to realise that this wasn't normal, so I didn't panic - I Googled. And I found page after page of women describing exactly the same experience with excessive oestrogen. Nobody had warned me this could happen. Not one word of guidance, not one benchmark for what "feeling better" even means when you're in menopause at 39. That information exists. But, as ever, the experiences of women weren't listened to or shared.
A nutritional breakthrough
Eventually, I started studying nutrition, got certified, and then couldn't stop. That led to an MSc in Clinical Nutrition, to founding my fitness studio HerSpace - the business I started at 42 when I realised that the corporate ladder was long, brutal, and full of BS I could no longer stomach. And along the way, I developed a deep love of science and a forensic scepticism about the wellness industry I had previously trusted.
My health routine now
1. I don't eat unless I'm hungry
My alarm goes off at 5am and I'm not hungry. So, I don't eat until I am. I teach a Barre or Pilates class (and sometimes three of them), at my studio, before my body asks for food. When it does, I eat.
I do not eat according to my hormone cycle, or because a 'wellness' protocol says I should, just when my body asks. I try to make healthy, whole foods my priority, and when I can't, Changos in Parsons Green is a glorious alternative.
2. Movement has to be fun
I move in ways that I love. I'm a lifelong dancer and a long-time barre evangelist. Barre combines strength training, core engagement and bone density work with just enough musicality to make it joyful (particularly as I set mine to the filthiest hip hop I can find).
And because I found movement that feels joyful, I do it almost every day by choice, not obligation. That's the secret to fitness and the whole reason I started my business.
3. I'm simple with supplements
I prioritise protein and fibre, stay well hydrated, and focus on getting my nutrients from whole foods - exactly what I encourage every client I work with to do.
My supplement list is short: vegan protein powder for suboptimal food days (we all have them and that's okay), fibre because getting enough alongside high protein intake is genuinely difficult, B12 because I'm vegetarian, and vitamin D because... Britain.
4. I give myself a break
And the most important thing I do is give myself a break. Literally and figuratively. I don't punish myself for imperfection. I go for wine with the girls. I eat the pasta without guilt and with considerable enthusiasm. I have cheese-fests with my bestie and watch terrible television when my brain needs a rest.
Mental health consumption (aka doing the things that make life worth living) is a valid health strategy, and significantly more beneficial than a glucose monitor.
Biohacking BS
Because here's what the wellness industry won't tell you: all of these biohacking and 'optimisation' protocols are just the superwoman narrative of the 1990s in a new outfit.
We were told we could, and must, have it all without dropping a ball. Now we're told to biohack our way to optimal health, sync our lives to our cycles, and microdose our way to a better body.
At 47, after everything, I feel better and stronger than I did at 35. Not because I found the right protocol or because my routine is in any way perfect. But because it isn't. I stopped treating my body like a problem to be solved and started treating it like something worth understanding and enjoying. I keep it simple and evidence-based. And that is the only 'protocol' that ever really works.
